LAS Portfolio Progumnasmata

hi everyone, my name is Skyler, i’m five years old and i’m from georgia. just kidding, i’m actually from portland near a river. we eat a lot of seafood here. I love seafood and lobster dipped in butter. i also like cats and dogs but i don’t like pink. gross. stacy has a pink dress. yesterday, I saw a plane fly by. i see many planes, sometimes i will go plane watching with mom but i get bored. she can look at the sky for so so long. we go at the most beautiful sunsets and we leave when it is dark and cold. mom always says that it’s such a shame i can’t see the stars because of stupid people and light pollution. i want to be an astronaut and see the stars but ms. maguire told me that it’s really hard to be an astronaut. almost as hard as it is to be the president, but i don’t think it’s very hard. you just have to try your hardest and shoot for the stars because i’ll land on the moon. yesterday, yesterday, a very tall woman and a very tall man dressed in green with lots of buttons came to our house. i opened the door because mom was in the kitchen steaming fish. the tall woman asked to see my mom and then mom came and told me to go upstairs. i don’t like it when people tell me where to go. i can go anywhere. this is the united states america with liberty and justice for all. but i went upstairs because mom said please and it would not have been polite if i didn’t listen to her. yesterday, after school my mom told me that we were gonna get ice cream from mcdonalds because i’ve been such a good girl this past week. I got vanilla flavour because that is all they had. then she told me about dad. she said that he fought very bravely and that he is coming back, but he might be a little different. then she started to cry so i gave her a napkin because that is what ms. maguire did when stacy fell and scraped her leg. dad is different every time he comes back. last time, he was shorter. i wonder how he is going to change this time…

The wise and infallible Canadian legend Wayne Gretzky, who at 57 looks so youthful and remains so full of life, graced us, in an interview, with words that will go down in history: “you miss 100 percent of the shots you never take”. He is asking us to take a chance, to step out of our comfort zone and just do, just like he did that 1983 hockey season. His wisdom was prompted by the great friend Bob MacKenzie, who, in the interview, said “You have taken a lot of shots this year”. Those who did not follow the advice of the awe-inspiring sage, Wayne Gretzky, had exceedingly brief hockey careers. Never taking any shots caused zero goals and zero contract renewals. However, those who have, end up having long and lasting hockey careers, many of which include winning the Stanley Cup. Professional hockey players, the Sedin twins, have told me personally, that Buddha-like Wayne Gretzky’s words will always have a place in their hearts and that before every game they used to repeat it in their minds because it brings them good luck. After considering all this, it seems like should-be ruler of Canada Wayne Gretzky really is the greatest, or at the very least, the wisest, hockey player to have ever lived.

The Monkeys’ Council

The monkeys in council deliberated on the necessity of settling in houses. When they had made up their minds to this end and were about to set to work, an old monkey restrained them, saying that they would more easily be captured if they were caught within enclosures.

 

Turns out, Space has its limits too. 5043 was the year Space stopped expanding and by 6097 all of Space was mapped out. All of the space that made up Space had been surveyed and assessed for value by none other than the Monkey Council, making them the wealthiest beings in the universe. To celebrate their impressive achievement, the Monkey Council threw a party. It lasted for fifty-three years.

The monkeys have always been explorers. For as long as any living monkey can remember, they were on the move, never settling, and always seeking the Edge. However, in 6150, fifty-three years after the completion of the Map, James, the youngest son of President Sharon, leader of the Monkey Council, tugged on his mother’s sleeve, and asked, “so where are we going to go next?”

Suddenly the music stopped. And the Monkey Council realized that they would be the first monkeys unable to boldly go where no monkey has gone before. Deliberations started the next day.

“We must settle,” stated Senior Councilmonkey Sean as he set down his pipe, “the completion of the Map marked the end of an era.”

“We, as monkeys, need to find renewed purpose. And it is impossible to do so wandering aimlessly. We must settle,” agreed Senior Councilmonkey Janet after a long noisy sip of her whiskey on the rocks.

“But where would we settle?” asked Junior Councilmonkey Rachael, “There is a whole universe of possibilities.” She had always been the most diligent councilmonkey.

Slowly Senior Councilmonkey Harry untied his bathrobe answering, “Planet Büiįtœp of course. The land of our ancestors.” It was followed by a murmur of agreement throughout the hall.

“But Senior Councilmonkey Harry, our ancestors ran away from Planet Büiįtœp. They first came into space to escape not explore.” Argued Junior Councilmonkey Rachael.

Angered, Senior Councilmonkey Harry stood from his seat, pounded his chest, and cried, “How dare you insult me Junior Councilmonkey Rachael but more importantly how dare you insult the Monkey Council. We are the richest most powerful beings in the Universe, do you think we do not have what it takes to completely demolish anyone foolish enough to stand in our way?”

With two taps of her diamond-studded gavel, the room fell silent. Smirking to herself President Sharon calmly said, “Decorum friends. I like the idea of Büiįtœp. Let’s head there and start building tomorrow.”

Then suddenly, bursting through the door, was Elder Sam crying, “We cannot go back, we will be captured if we do. We cannot-”

Then even more sudden, there was nothing. 6150 was the year Space collapsed in onto itself.